A penny saved is a government oversight.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "THE" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

• Use as a cleaner because it won’t scratch pans, even nonstick.

• Add salt to a teaspoon of baby or olive oil to exfoliate hands or feet.

• Sprinkle salt on a damp sponge to clean the bottoms of stained coffee mugs or cups.

• When food bubbles over in oven, let over cool, then cover mess with salt and scoop up.

• Cutting board dirty? Sprinkle with salt and scrub with half a lemon or lime.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked her what she thought about the computer age and just things in general.

The grandma replied, well…let me think a minute….I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the pill..

There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ballpoint pens. The pantyhose was not yet invented, nor air conditioners, dishwashers or clothes dryers. The clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had not yet walked on the moon.

Your grandfather and I got married first___ and then lived together.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than I “Sir” and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with the title “Sir”.

My childhood preceded gay rights, computer dating, duel careers, day care centers and group therepy. I thought “fast food” was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

“Draft dodgers” were people who closed the doors when the evening breeze started. Time sharing meant time the family spent in the evenings and on week-ends__not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings (except Pirates). We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios. The term “making out” referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 & 10 cent stores where you actually could buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, pepsi, and a lot of other things were all a nickle. If you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickle on enough stamps to mail 1 ledtter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but who could afford one? Too bad, cause gas was only 11 cents a gallon.

In my day, “aides” were helpers in the principal’s office; “Chip” meant a piece of wood, and “hardware” was found in a hardware store and “software” wasn’t even a word.

My forgetter's getting better
But my rememberer is broke.
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke.

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Generally, you're right, it's me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who's that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
But my rememberer is broke.
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her Boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who cannot speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

When you are tired and complain about your job - think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.