DOT'S CORNER

HAVE A NICE DAY

You might ask,

"how can I have a nice day when everything seems

to be going wrong"? The best way to handle situations

like that is to take a positive step toward getting past the

obstacles or events that prevent your day from looking

a little brighter. To get past any obstacles that pop up to

mess up my day, I tell myself that tomorrow will look better,

and it usually does turn out to be a better day. If not, I believe

in taking one day at a time.

Dot 02-03-2010

OVER THE YEARS I HAVE COLLECTED EMAILS
SENT TO ME THAT WERE HUMOROUS,
INTERESTING, EDUCATIONAL, EMOTIONAL,
PATRIOTIC, OR SIMPLY BECAUSE I LIKED THEM.
HOPEFULLY, AS YOU VIEW MY PAGES, YOU WILL
ENJOY THEM AS MUCH AS I HAVE.

LIFE

The Adventure of life is to learn

The Purpose of life is to grow

The Nature of life is to change

The Challenge of life is to overcome

The Essence of life is to care

The Opportunity of life is to serve

The Secret of life to dare

The Spice of life is to befriend

The Beauty of life is to give

The Joy of life is to love

Author Unknown

LOOK ON THE FUNNY SIDE OF LIFE

anifaces

Keep a smile on your face with these email funnies:

KITCHEN WISDOM

One of these women has good advice - you choose!

1. Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

2. To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

3. When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

4. If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

5. Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

6. Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

7. Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

8. If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

9. Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

1. Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

2. Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

3. Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you!

4. If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

5. Celery? Never heard of it!

6. The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

7. Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

8. Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

9. Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I ! said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it.........this is the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word

........ just clean and simple fun.

YES, BEING OVER 50 DOES HAVE ITS ADVANTAGES

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE WORKING TODAY?

TOMORROW?

"The day after?

Next week?

NEXT MONTH?

Me Neither! I JUST WANT TO PARTY

A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU
Which way is the bus below traveling? To the left or to the right?

Can't make up your mind? Look carefully at the picture again. Still don't know? Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture and asked the same question. 90% of the pre-schoolers gave this answer. "The bus is traveling to the left." When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?" They answered: "Because you can't see the door to get on the bus." How do you feel now ???

I know. Have a nice day!

"BEING A MECHANIC IS HARD WORK, BUT IT PAYS THE BILLS AND FEEDS THE KIDS!"

"O....KAY, NOW HOW MUCH DO I SAVE???!!!!"

QUESTIONS

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?
WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?
WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?
WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?
IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?
WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?
WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.
WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?
WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO HUMAN BEING WOULD WANT TO EAT?
IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?
IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?
DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?
WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY YOU GAVE ME YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

smileybutton

WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling butt-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them, they've been around!

SOUTHERN WOMEN

The first man married a woman from South Carolina. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Virginia. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were

done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from North Carolina. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed,

and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,

some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich

and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.